A sense of humour
C2 Proficiency · Multiple Choice Reading · Objective Proficiency 2nd Edition, Cambridge University Press
You are going to read an extract from a book by Bill Bryson. For questions 1–6, choose the answer (A, B, C or D) which you think fits best according to the text.
My wife thinks nearly everything about American life is wonderful. She loves having her groceries bagged for her. She adores free iced water and book-matches. She thinks home-delivered pizza is a central hallmark of civilization. I haven’t the heart to tell her that waitresses in the States urge everyone to have a nice day. Personally, while I am fond of America and grateful for its many conveniences, I am not quite so slavishly uncritical. Take the matter of having your groceries bagged for you. I appreciate the gesture, but when you come down to it what does it actually achieve except give you an opportunity to stand there and watch your groceries being bagged? It’s not as if it buys you some quality time. I don’t want to get heavy here, but given the choice between free iced water at restaurants and, let us say, a national health service, I have to say my instinct is to go with the latter. However, there are certain things that are so wonderful in American life that I can hardly stand it myself. Chief among these, without any doubt, is the garbage disposal. A garbage disposal is everything a labour-saving device should be and so seldom is – noisy, fun, extremely hazardous, and so dazzlingly good at what it does that you cannot imagine how you ever managed without one. If you had asked me eighteen months ago what the prospects were that shortly my chief hobby would be placing assorted objects down a hole in the kitchen sink, I believe I would have laughed in your face, but in fact it is so. I have never had a garbage disposal before, so I have been learning its tolerances through a process of trial and error. Chopsticks give perhaps the liveliest response (this is not recommended, of course, but there comes a time with every piece of machinery when you just have to see what it can do), but cantaloupe rinds make the richest, throatiest sound and result in less ‘down time’. Coffee grounds in quantity are the most likely to provide a satisfying ‘Vesuvius effect’, though for obvious reasons it is best not to attempt this difficult feat until your wife has gone out for the day, and to have a mop and stepladder standing by. The most exciting event with a garbage disposal, of course, is when it jams and you have to reach in and unclog it, knowing that at any moment it might spring to life and abruptly convert your arm from a useful grasping tool into a dibber. Don’t try to tell me about living life on the edge. Now basements I know because I grew up with one. Every American basement is the same. They all have a funny smell – a combination of old magazines, camping gear that should have been aired and wasn’t, and something to do with a guinea pig named Mr Fluffy that escaped down a central heating grate six months ago and has not been seen since (and presumably would now be better called Mr Bones). Occasionally, especially in starter homes, you will find that some young gung-ho dad has converted the basement into a playroom for the children, but this is always a mistake, as no child will play in a basement. This is because no matter how loving your parents, no matter how much you would like to trust them, there is always the thought that they will quietly lock the door at the top of the stairs and move to Florida. No, basements are simply and inescapably scary; that’s why they always feature in spooky movies, usually with a shadow of Joan Crawford carrying an axe thrown on the far wall. That may be why even dads don’t go down there very often. I could go on and on cataloguing other small, unsung glories of American household life – refrigerators that dispense iced water and make their own ice-cubes, walk-in closets, electrical sockets in bathrooms, but I won’t. I’m out of space and anyway Mrs B has just gone out to do some shopping and it has occurred to me that I have not yet seen what the disposal can do with a juice carton. I’ll get back to you on this one.
She has very poor taste in food.
She is only happy so long as she can get things for nothing.
She is only pretending to be uncritical of the American way of life.
She is relatively unsophisticated.
In the first paragraph, what does Bill Bryson imply about his wife?
He feels that the country hasn’t quite got its priorities right.
He would prefer to pay less and pack his own groceries.
He thinks that service could be even better in American shops and restaurants.
He is of the opinion that Americans waste a lot of time unnecessarily.
What is Bill’s reaction to having his groceries bagged and getting iced water?
It fulfils his notion of what a household gadget should be.
He has plenty of free time to experiment now he has moved back to the States.
He is finding it much easier to use than he thought he would.
It devours anything you put in it without any fuss.
Why does Bill enjoy using the garbage disposal?
He is irritated that the unit is so potentially dangerous.
He is keen to help around the house and will happily mend the disposal unit for his wife.
He likes to experiment with it without fear of interruption.
He thinks the garbage disposal unit should take a wider variety of garbage.
What impression do you get of Bill when he talks about the garbage disposal unit?
make people feel intimidated.
remind people of frightening incidents from their childhood.
make people want to start competing to see who can make the best conversion.
are a source of argument in families.
According to Bill, basements often
quite critical.
fairly effusive.
sometimes nostalgic.
quietly indignant.
In describing his current home in the USA, Bill seems
How to have fun at home
An extract by Bill Bryson on returning to the USA.
Available as a free printable PDF worksheet with an optional answer key.
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