Make new friends...but keep the old - Unit 1

C1 Advanced · Multiple Matching · Complete Advanced Workbook, Cambridge University Press

You are going to read four reviews of a book about friendship which is aimed at young adults. For questions 1–10, choose from the reviewers A-D. The reviewers may be chosen more than once.

Everyone was raving about this book, so I finally got myself a copy. Having read it from cover to cover, I am still a bit mixed about it. On my way of thinking, it oversimplifies relationships and seems to imply that if you do X, then Y will happen, which is not necessarily the case. It included some sweeping generalisations about males and females and how they operate within friendships, which I find difficult to accept. On the other hand, it did do me good to reflect on how I handle conflict with the people close to me and some of it was thought-provoking, particularly the part about setting boundaries. I thought it was selfish to refuse to do certain things for my friends, but now I realise that boundaries are an important part of self-care. It is refreshing to be told that doing something for yourself is a positive and not a negative.

I don't think I've ever paid a compliment to any of my peers because I'd assumed I'd just be ridiculed. So, the other day I told my friend I liked his new haircut and he was actually pleased! This is just one of the effects this book had on me. What I liked most about it were the suggested 'tasks' – like paying a compliment to someone – things which don't take much effort but have a massive impact. I realised that I have often taken my friends for granted and assumed they'd be there in my time of need, but I didn't put much effort into the relationships. Most communication between us was superficial – either we'd be talking about trivial things or we were complaining endlessly about homework and exams. I didn't realise the importance of showing appreciation for the people we care about or the effect meaningful friendships can have on one's overall well-being. Personally, I'll lose the pictures, though – they are cute but a bit of a distraction.

This book was recommended to our class by our deputy head teacher, who warned that some of us didn't know where to draw the line between friendly banter and bullying. It made me think differently about how I interact with my mates: for example, like most people, I'm guilty of selective listening, which can be detrimental to friendships. What the book has to say about the distractions of technology also rang a bell with me, because often we don't take notice of what our friends are saying or maintain eye-contact because we're too busy checking social media. There was a story in the book about a girl who was on the verge of dropping out of school because she was being bullied, but her so-called friends didn't even realise what was going on. It highlighted the need to be more observant and proactive with friends rather than just reacting to what they tell us. Another thing I have taken away is the need to be spontaneous and touch base with friends just to show them I'm there for them.

I can't quite make up my mind about this book, but then I'm still only about two thirds of the way through it. What I love is that it seems very inclusive, and the writer seems to value diversity. Having said that, there are a few parts I find quite irritating. Whilst the author is well aware of the fact that relationships can be complicated, I can't subscribe to the assumption that every emotional issue inevitably stems from our childhoods. It doesn't necessarily follow that a difficult start in life leads to less harmonious relationships in adulthood. Some of the examples seem a touch contrived and I question whether they are based on actual people. I'd have preferred a more scientific approach with deeper insights to explore some of the more intricate relationships that are mentioned in the book. The illustrations, while not strictly necessary in a book aimed at this age group, really cheered me up.

Make new friends...but keep the old

four book reviews

disagrees with the author on a cause of problems in relationships?

questions the author's understanding of the complexity of relationships?

admits they don't always pay their full attention when someone speaks?

realises that their interactions with friends often lacked depth?

refers to a specific case when not being aware of a friend's situation caused a problem?

appreciates the author's attitude to occasionally putting one's own interests first?

writes positively about the value of the book's visual aspects?

was surprised by how an action recommended in the book was received?

mentions someone who was concerned about others' behaviour?

doubts the reliability of some of the accounts in the book?

Available as a free printable PDF worksheet with an optional answer key.

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