Sibling Rivalry: When Brothers Fall Out - Unit 5

C1 Advanced · Multiple Matching · Ready for C1 Advanced 4th Edition, Macmillan Education

You are going to read an article about sibling rivalry. For questions 1–10, choose from the sections (A-D). The sections may be chosen more than once.

In the full decade since I last saw my brother, he has had children, changed jobs and grown a sizeable beard – according to my grandmother. In the meantime, I have progressed throughout the course of my own adult life, though he, like me, wouldn’t know this directly but rather second-hand, our respective lives separated by the Atlantic Ocean and the resentment that has built up between us. I think I can now confidently predict that there is zero chance of us ever resolving our differences. While this is an admittedly regrettable state of affairs, it isn’t a particularly unusual one. Sibling rivalry is as old as the hills, and you need only glance at weekday morning talk shows to be reminded that fighting amongst brothers, sisters and the parents who blame them, if not quite compulsory, then is certainly expected of us all.

A recent story in Psychology Today suggests that more than a third of us have a very strained relationship with our brothers or sisters as adults, and that any hope of us declaring a long-term ceasefire tends to arrive only in our declining years, when all the fight has finally deserted us. But what sparks it all off? The overriding factor, it seems, is that the arrival of a younger sibling often brings with it a brand new sensation for the older: hatred. This is, after all, the point at which we, the senior, our power over our parents suddenly stolen, learn that life isn’t fair after all. And if we are then subsequently treated differently by our parents, however unwittingly, that hatred can be expected to run deep. Jonathan Self, the older brother of the writer Will, knows the feeling well. ‘Will was actually incredibly loyal to me throughout childhood,’ he begins, ‘but, yes, there was an awful lot of rivalry between us.’ He explains that his parents considered their younger son a genius by the age of three, and that they prized intellect above all else. If their rivalry continued into adulthood, it was largely because both had their hearts set on a writing career. But Will was by far the better writer, prompting Jonathan to eventually turn to the world of business.

Today they enjoy a mostly harmonious relationship, specifically Jonathan suggests, because of their children. ‘We know that it really upsets them if he and I fight, and so we don’t, mostly. If they see us not getting on, it is effectively like saying it’s OK to give up on your brother. And neither of us wants that,’ says Jonathan. My own experiences differ from the Selfs’ not only because there were, sadly, no such flashes of brilliance within my family, but also because my brother and I were poles apart, so comprehensively different in character and temperament that we rarely found common ground. We both hoped that things would improve as we got older, but they didn’t. I knew that all he really wanted from me was friendship; but as the older sibling, friendship was then the last thing I needed from him. Summer holidays were the worst. Because my working mother had to leave us children home alone – as did all the parents of all my friends – the days dragged on forever. She pleaded with me to keep an eye on him, and begged me to keep him out of mischief. He was a burden I fiercely resented.

I finally turned eighteen, meaning that with a newly acquired driving licence and a job, I was able to move out. This breathing space from one another brought the pair of us an overwhelming sense of relief. But then, over the years, our relationship completely fractured. Every so often we would, for my mother’s sake, all meet up for a restaurant meal. At best, we had nothing to say to one another; at worst, there were all manner of disagreements to enter into, and so we did. The last time we saw one another, it almost came to physical blows. A decade on, I worry that I shall pass these miserably dysfunctional behavioural patterns down to my two daughters, something I desperately want to avoid. I would be distraught if they ever fell out, when it is clear to me at least that there is so much in both of them to like and to love.

Sibling Rivalry: When Brothers Fall Out

Nick Duerden and his brother stopped speaking 10 years ago. Heartbreaking? Or perfectly normal sibling rivalry?

a contrast in personality being one reason for two siblings' poor relationship

the writer's concern about the future relationship between his own children

a shared ambition causing intense feelings of competition between siblings

family conflict being seen and presented as something normal in society

the reasons why a pair of brothers are making the effort to avoid arguments

the emotional benefit the writer gained by having physical distance from his brother

how a sense of injustice among very young children can lead to feelings of dislike

the writer's admission that he hated being responsible for his brother's well-being

the certainty that the writer and his brother will never make peace with one another

how some siblings may feel less capable of continuing their rivalry in old age

Available as a free printable PDF worksheet with an optional answer key.

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